My First Mother’s Day

This is my new favorite holiday. We celebrated with cards and gifts, a nice brunch out and I had the joy of a long, luxurious shower while Rob watched dogs and baby. But really, I didn’t need any of those things; it would still have been my favorite holiday. It was my first Mother’s Day.

Elijah Dolan, my beautiful son. We prayed for you for so long. It has been the biggest honor of my life to watch you grow in these short four months. Every day you learn something new. Your eyes see things with wonderment and awe. You are discovering how your body moves and works in the world, how to interact and how to react. There are still things that feel frightening: waking up is sometimes difficult and scary when you have been in a deep sleep. The other day a sudden movement caused your back to crack and that was a new and unexpected sensation.

But mostly your discoveries are exciting and fun. And lately, you’ve been wanting to tell me all about them. You are trying out new sounds and shapes with your mouth. You are enjoying playing with your hands. As often as I can, I try to introduce you peacefully to new sensations: together we learn about soft things, smooth things, cool and warm things, furry things, wet things. We talk about shapes and colors and animals. We listen to different sounds, and I hold things like peanut butter to your nose so you can experience different smells. I never knew that such simple things could bring me such joy.

I know that, when you are grown, you won’t remember these times. But I hope your heart will. I know this is true with my own mother–that I realize now how much my heart remembers. I don’t have a particular memory of being held, cuddled, kissed, changed, bathed, or tickled. But my mom and I have a bond that was forged from those intimate, loving moments. Eli, I hope the same will be true for us. For I love you more than I ever thought this imperfect human heart could love.

My first Mother’s Day as a mom. At least, in the typical fashion. Last year, so soon after the miscarriage, I feared I might never be a mother. But it was five days later that I found out little Eli was already in my womb. So I suppose it’s technically my second Mother’s Day as a mother! Either way, it’s better than Christmas.


One response to this post.

  1. I’m so glad this mother’s day was so special for you! He is such a cutie & I love when they start growing as you can really start to see both of you in him.


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